05 January 2009

Wherein the author becomes resolute (or something like that).

You are totally right. I have not posted any actual New Year's Resolutions here, and that is rather disappointing. You must think that I don't care about self-improvement. But I do! Or some version of it. Or whatever.

Really, I was too busy "having fun" (yeah, what's that, right?) to write my resolutions out. So here goes.

1. I shall not spend my entire life in the office. This is my last semester before a three-year administrative gig that will have me working in the office a lot. I do like working here, but sometimes I end up with extra work because I'm around. So I am resolving to learn how to work in other places. Like underwater. Just kidding. Maybe at home, or similar.

2. I shall not make more work for myself. I'm not sure what that involves--perhaps some judicious use of the word no--but I am going to try it.

3. I shall organize my poems, once and for all. This includes revising my current ms and giving it the new ending that I feel brewing, even if it's inconvenient and involves dealing with that bitch called pagination.

4. I shall not simultaneously submit, ever again. Done! Ha. That was easy. Take me off the BFS show.

5. I shall stop being meek and mild when I don't need to be. I didn't grow up and work hard so that I can continue to be pushed around like the rebellious teenager that I never really was.

6. I shall stop feeling bad about doing anything but working in my office while my kids are at school or with a sitter. I'm not sure if I will be able to do this, but I will try. This morning I did have a few tranquil moments at the laundromat (before realizing I'd been using a dryer sans heat for 30 minutes--bah) where I didn't feel like I was being an evil person for being alone for a few minutes. Sometimes we all need that, I think.

So there it is. And now I have some very thirsty office geraniums to attend to, thank you very much.


Talia said...

Regarding #6:

I think I need alone time more than the average mom. Or maybe that's just my perspective. Or mayvbe it's a poet thing. I've just returned from work after a 2 week long Christmas break and I love waking up early to shower for a real purpose. I love my daughter terribly, but being at home just depresses me. I wasn't made for that. And I do sometimes feel guilty about having that opinion, but I can't change it. It's not my priorities, it's my person. So, lest we have a crappy, depressed mommy, I do what I need to do.

Penultimatina said...

Talia, I feel the exact same way. Give me a little bit of space, and I will be totally happy to crawl around on the floor when I get home. If I'm home all day, I'll just be laying on the floor. I'm glad that I have company in this. We're taught to feel like domesticity is so natural and fulfilling, but I need something beyond that, or I start losing my mind.

Kristin said...

I love #5--in fact, I may adopt the first part of one of your sentences to address any situation in which I need to be resolute: "I didn't grow up and work hard so that _____________." I could fill in that blank so many ways.

I think that one of my writing resolutions will be to use the small chunks of time (15-30 minutes) that I have more wisely. Yesterday, while waiting for a meeting to start (always a late start, which always surprises me), I thought, if I brought a poetry legal pad with me, I could work on something that matters to me, instead of just staring vacantly into space, wondering why meetings never start on time.

Penultimatina said...

Kristin, I did that yesterday with a piece of scrap paper. I need to so something similar. That'll be #7... :)

Meagan said...

Good luck. I haven't made any New Year's resolutions this year, but that's more because I've gotten into the habit of making continual resolutions... sometimes I even keep them!

B-Ho said...

Numbers 4 & 5 are my favorites... after awhile, the BFS just takes up too much time, I think. But it's a necessary evil for a long, long time. And definitely #5! It's time.


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