12 February 2008
How to tough it out, rust-belt-gal style
1. When your colleague brings you a piece of pie, eat it immediately, even if it's breakfast time. Your ancestors ate pies for every meal, practically. Feel free to use silverware, however, even if they did not. You never know when you'll get another piece of homemade pie.
2. Remain skeptical about the "big snows" that are coming into town. You've heard of these big snows before, and they're not always all that. You remember 1979, and the photo where the drifts were taller than your dad's Olds. That was a real snow.
3. Try your best to be patient with people who forget how to drive in the snow every year. This patience need not, however, extend to students using umbrellas to keep snow out of their hair. That's just crazy bullshit.
4. Even if there's no whale blubber available to rub on your children's cheeks when you take them outdoors, that organic rosemary baby lotion will do the trick. Needless to say, you can carry two kids at once, if necessary. You can also yell at them loud enough so that the snow plow can pass and they'll still hear you loud and clear.
5. If you get snowed in, put blankets all over the hardwood floors and have a picnic. Let your many, many pets hunker down with you. Lunch will very likely include tater tots, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's all part of the tradition. You've gotta pass it on.
Any other rust belt gals care to add to this survival guide?